


the dawn of your embrace

by aarobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 03:35:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/aarobron
Summary: a playlist with accompanying drabbles(i know i said daily but, this is me)





	1. day 1

**Author's Note:**

> [a love like war - all time low](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDbVY3gCJgg)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _make a wish on our sorry little hearts_  
>  have a smoke, pour a drink, steal a kiss in the dark  
> fingernails on my skin like the teeth of a shark  
> i’m intoxicated by the lie

Aaron focuses on the glowing cherry of the cigarette, the only light in the dark barn. He watches the smoke curl around Robert's fair eyelashes. He watches flecks of ash dance through the air, together but never touching.

He knows that Robert will grimace the next time they kiss, but he also knows how Robert'll chase the taste, lick the corners of his mouth and groan.

He knows that smoking in a barn is probably a bad idea, all things considered (he learnt that lesson early on. Thanks, Moira), but, well, it's sex, innit? It's sex and it's _good_ and that definitely warrants a cigarette.

He taps the ash into an empty can turned makeshift ashtray, stretching his legs out on the hay bale bed. It's kind of surreal, what with the way Robert's fingertips are tracing patterns along his inner thighs, but he drinks in every detail; _remembers_.

At least he'll have this when it's all gone. 

Robert shifts, leaning up on his hands until he's mouthing paths along Aaron's neck, following the same patterns that his fingers are. Aaron sighs, can feel his barriers dropping fractionally with each inch Robert's tongue travels. "You taste so good," The older man sighs, and Aaron drops the cigarette into the can, the hiss echoing around the barn.

Aaron drops himself back onto his forearms, eyes tracking the sight of Robert above him. He looks almost angelic, a step away from a halo perching on his blond head – although god knows his insides are black and ugly, dripping with tar. 

That doesn't matter, though, not here and definitely not now. Not when Robert's pressing their lips together, tongue teasing along his mouth. It's terrifying, how electric it makes him feel - he can't remember _ever_ feeling like this. 

He doesn't want it to end.


	2. day 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [run away with me - carly rae jepsen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeccAtqd5K8)
> 
> _cause you make me feel like  
>  i could be driving you all night  
> and i found your lips in the streetlight  
> i wanna be there with you_

The sun suits Robert - he looks golden, tanned and glowing, and when he laughs it sounds like music. When he whispers sweet words, it sounds loving. They can be themselves, here, in the Greek sun, casual touches and kisses as they walk along the seafront. 

They've just had dinner - a small taverna tucked away in the side streets of the town, _gyros_ ("So it's basically a kebab," Aaron had commented, frowning, while Robert sighed) and a few too many pints. Aaron feels flushed, glad he's managed to work up the courage to walk around in a t-shirt, but he's not sure whether it's alcohol, the heat of the night or just pure _happiness_. 

Robert's hand is on his hip, fingertips drumming relentlessly against the bone as he talks a mile a minute about anything and everything. "-just so beautiful here, Aaron," He's murmuring, voice soft and eyes impossibly softer. "The buildings are just so _real_. And have you ever seen the sea that colour? Look at all those cats..." 

It's comforting; the low, steady thrum of Robert's voice, rattling around Aaron's brain and settling in his bones. His words meld with the quiet wash of waves, and Aaron settles his head on the hard line of Robert's collarbone.

If Robert's surprised, he doesn't let on - just keeps walking and talking, expressing his sentences with his free hand, and Aaron pulls them to a stop. He angles his body towards Robert's, crowding into his space, and this close he can see the streetlights reflecting in the older man's eyes, can smell the sea salt on his skin. He leans up to press a soft kiss onto Robert's lips, and then he's rewarded with an open expression, a soft grin. 

"I love you," He whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @ [aarobron](aarobron.tumblr.com)


	3. day 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [breathe me - sia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghPcYqn0p4Y)
> 
> _ouch, i have lost myself again  
>  lost myself and i am nowhere to be found  
> yeah, i think that i might break  
> lost myself again and i feel unsafe_

Robert drops everything when he steps into their bedroom. 

He drops the shopping bags, his laptop.

His heart drops. So does his stomach.

Aaron's sitting on the edge of the bed, curled in on himself and shaking. He looks pained, and he's rocking back and forth, breathing heavily. He's _bleeding_ , dripping down his arm and decorating the bedsheets, and Robert suddenly forgets how to talk. 

It all comes back to him, though, when he rushes forward, quick steps and dropping to his knees. "Baby, it's okay," He babbles, reaching blindly for the towel Aaron had dropped onto the floor this morning. "You're okay, you'll be alright." He presses the towel against the cuts, ignores the hiss that Aaron lets out from the pain, and when he looks up, the younger man is staring back at him with tear-filled eyes.

"I'm sorry," He chokes out, free hand reaching out. It's trembling, but his fingers settle on Robert's cheekbone, and the touch is warm and freezing all at once.

"It's not your fault," Robert says kindly, softly, as he stands them both up and leads Aaron to the bathroom. 

He sits him down on the edge of the bath, digging in the medicine cabinet. "Robert," Aaron whimpers.

He finds the first aid kid, finds plasters and wipes and whatever else he needs - he's running on autopilot here, not quite sure what he's doing - and he turns back to Aaron. "It's not your fault." 

_It's mine_ , he thinks instead.


	4. day 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [high hopes - kodaline](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4povfmX144)
> 
> _i remember it now it takes me back to when it all first started  
>  but i only got myself to blame for it and i accept it now  
> it’s time to let it all go, go out and start again  
> it’s not that easy_

The image of Aaron walking away is burned on his eyelids these days. The sad slope of his shoulders, the way he tried to make himself as small as possible, and the tight clench of his fists.

It’s there every time he closes his eyes. 

He’s drinking more; it’s easier to ignore the sneers and the stares when you’re so wasted you don’t even know what you’re saying.

It’s easier to ignore the way Aaron avoids him constantly. 

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, though. No, his heart still aches and his lungs still burn, but. But he just pretends he hasn’t noticed. 

It’s his own fault, after all. He was the one that- 

God.

He tells himself this, punishing himself with sickly thoughts of her and the burn of whiskey, taunting himself with what little memories he ever had of that night and.

And when he opens his eyes, the floral wallpaper in his sister’s spare bedroom still stares back at him. 

Huh. He should really think about getting a place of his own.

Now that no one wants him around here anymore. 

He’s debating the finer points of this internally; how far he could go, how far he should go, when there’s a knock at the door. It’s light, light enough that he can barely hear it over the sound of his own breathing but he does, and makes a non-committal noise as he brings the bottle of whiskey to his lips.

If it’s Vic with another lecture, he needs to drink more.

The door opens slowly but he doesn’t look, can’t, dreading the pitying gaze that always seems to be sent his way recently.

“Robert,” A soft voice says. A familiar voice, the sound Robert’s desperately been trying to cling to, but he stares at the same spot on the floral wallpaper. This can’t be real. “Rob.”

His heart stutters, skips three beats, and he dares to look up when Aaron’s breathing gets harsher. “Hi,” He says blankly, waving the bottle in greeting. He feels so detached. 

“The baby’s not yours,” Aaron says, so quietly but so _firmly_ that he almost drops the bottle in shock. “Robert- Robert, you didn’t even-” He doesn’t say the word, and Robert’s glad he doesn’t, because it still makes him feel sick.

Except.

Except it didn’t happen. 

“She admitted it,” The younger man continues with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. “When Vic worked it out and confronted her, she admitted it.” 

He nods once, still feels numb, but Aaron comes and sits next to him on the bed. They’re not touching but the heat from Aaron’s body is everywhere, is everything, and it helps him breathe a little easier.

“Robert,” He says slowly, carefully. “I want us to make this work. I want there to be an us. I want to start from the beginning, just you and me.”

And then Aaron is clutching his hand, _tightwarmhome_ , and the press of his wedding ring is making dents in Robert’s skin and - and that’s all it takes for Robert to burst into tears.


	5. day 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [collar full - panic! at the disco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZAIEAG6Vgk)
> 
> _you’ve got it all worked out with so little time  
>  memories that i’d blackout if you were mine  
> you’ve got a pocket full of reasons why you’re here tonight  
> so baby tonight just be the death of me_

“Me and you,” Robert sighs, carding his fingers through Aaron’s hair. “We’ve got it all worked out. We’re good. We’re so good.” 

It makes Aaron smile, the faith he has; makes him feel like he’s standing on top of the whole world and nothing, no one can bring him down.

Robert kisses the grin off of his face, fingers sliding along the sharp curve of his jaw, and he tastes like coffee and excitement, of the thrill of doing something he shouldn’t.

It’s intoxicating.

And Aaron, well, he loves the feeling. He shouldn’t, probably, _definitely_ , with all the hurt they’ve caused people but he’d gone and gotten himself in too deep and fallen in love, hadn’t he? 

And there must be a reason Robert’s here, in this anonymous hotel, stretched out over white sheets and laughing as Aaron learns his body.

It’s not just for the fun anymore.

And he makes himself remember that when everything that can go wrong does, when Robert’s running off to his wife, when his mum is shooting him daggers over the bar. 

He makes himself remember that he loves Robert.

And maybe, just maybe, Robert loves him too.


	6. day 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [starving - hailee steinfeld](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwjwCFZpdns)
> 
> _you know just what to say  
>  shit that scares me  
> i should just walk away  
> but i can’t move my feet  
> the more that i know you  
> the more i want to_

If asked, Aaron couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he fell in love with Robert.

In private, though, he traces it right back to Christmas day 2014.

He traces it back to Robert listening to him, taking his advice, accepting defeat. He traces it back to sweet kisses, flirty smiles, tender hand-holding. 

Sometimes, he looks at Robert when they’re arguing and wonders why exactly he loves him.

But it’s all there underneath. 

It’s how Robert knows him, knows the right thing to say, knows how to touch him. It’s how Robert bruises his hips, his throat, his chest. It’s how Robert’s soft, vulnerable, insecure. 

It’s all that Robert is.

That’s what makes Aaron love him. 

Robert interrupts him from his thoughts, rolling over and blinking sleepily. He throws an arm over Aaron’s waist, tucks his chin into the curve of his shoulder and breathes out softly. He closes his eyes again, eyelashes brushing against the sharp cut of Aaron’s jaw. “I love you.” 

It draws a smile out of Aaron, and he lets his fingertips trace patterns over the fine hairs on Robert’s arm. “I love you too, Rob,” He sighs. “Go back to sleep.” 

Robert does.

There was a time when Aaron could never have imaged this; Robert tucked up close to him in their bed every single night. He couldn’t have imaged the domesticity, the laughs over breakfast, the squabbling over washing up. He couldn’t have imaged how easy it is to say I love you, to say the things you make me feel, Robert, god, to say I can’t imagine my life without you.

It’s everything he wants.

It’s everything he never knew he wanted.

And now he can’t imagine himself ever walking away.

It’s thrilling, monogamy and happiness and forever. 

Forever’s always sounded like such a long time, like something Aaron would never thought he’d see.

Now, he wants to live forever.


	7. day 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ever fallen in love - buzzcocks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPG6Ak5FASk)
> 
> _you disturb my natural emotions  
>  you make me feel i’m dirt and i’m hurt  
> and if i start a commotion  
> i’ll only end up losing you and that’s worse_

He watches Robert from across the bar, Chrissie hanging onto his arm, manicured nails on his hand, a politely forced smile on her lips. They’re the picture perfect family.

It twists something in Aaron’s gut, makes him feel sick and bitter. It makes tears prick at the back of his eyes, lungs suddenly empty and burning.

It shouldn’t feel like this. It’s never felt like this.

But now it does, and Robert knows, and Chas knows, and Paddy knows.

All Aaron knows is that it’s no good.

He wants to tell Robert; to scream at him, to beg him not to flaunt it in his face like this.

But Robert will end it. Robert will see the strings, and it’ll scare him and he’ll end things and- well, Aaron would rather feel like this than feel empty. He needs this like oxygen, needs Robert’s touch like he needs water, and where he normally survives, Robert’s smile makes him thrive.

And he’ll carry on; day after day after day, watching and waiting and praying. Praying that maybe Robert will finally see sense and that he’ll choose Aaron.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [la devotee - panic! at the disco](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5dNcKTcnPA)
> 
> _you got two black eyes from loving too hard  
>  and a black car that matches your blackest soul  
> i wouldn’t change ya, oh  
> wouldn’t ever try to make you leave, no_

Robert Sugden isn’t a good person, all things considered.

He lies and he cheats and he manipulates, but it’s done with the best intentions - these days, at least. It’s a far cry from the man he was when Aaron first met him. 

And it’s all proof, really, considering he doesn’t come home with split lips and black eyes every other day. 

Aaron appreciates this now, appreciates the fact that Robert doesn’t purposely rile up his family to the point of violence, and he shows him through minor public displays of affection.

Which, by all means, translates into date night at that new gastropub that Robert’s been banging on about for months. It translates into Aaron letting Robert tangle their fingers together, into Aaron letting Robert rest a hand on his thigh, into Aaron letting Robert drop a chaste kiss onto the highpoint of his cheekbone.

It translates into softness, open expressions and delicate words.

It’s a nice change. No one knows them, no one’s even looking at them. No one’s calculating their relationship, assessing their highlights and lowlights, whispering _be careful, he’ll only hurt you_ in Aaron’s ear. 

He accepts the soft kiss Robert pushes onto his lips before he goes inside to the bar, fingertips brushing the tingling skin as he smiles to himself – _secretive_ , Robert had once said. _Like it’s all for me. Like_ you’re _all for me_ – and feels the heat of a blush battling with the heat of the summer air. 

He drums his fingers on the metal surface of the bistro table, patterns that form some heavy rock song that Liv’s been playing on repeat for the past two days. He glances around himself, smirks at the endless reams of couples on romantic dates until he realises that he’s in that category now, and laughs at the alright-I’ll-go-for-one after office drinks that have turned into a full on session.

He waits. 

When he’s starting to get impatient, getting bored and considering going to see what the hold up is, Aaron spies the shock of messy blond hair stumbling out of the door. Robert looks- well, he looks unsteady, and it’s not until he’s edging closer to the table that Aaron spots the dark smudge under his left eye that’s definitely more than tiredness.

Then he spots the short line of blood that’s decorating Robert’s lip, too. 

He’s standing up before he even thinks about it, making the three short strides it takes to get to Robert go in seconds but it feels like forever. “What have you done?” He breathes softly, hesitantly touching the bruise.

“You should see the other guy,” Robert laughs humourlessly, but his eyes look pained and it’s not from the physical injuries. He places a hand, flat and big and real, on the small of Aaron’s back. “I’m alright.” 

Aaron makes a non-committal noise, shuffles them both into the light outside the pub so he can see the marks better, and then he decides that Robert will, in fact, live. “We should get you home.” 

Robert does laugh then, short and sharp but sweet all the same, and he pushes Aaron out onto the street. “Probably a good idea – I think I’ve been kicked out, anyway.” But he curls a hand around Aaron’s neck to soften the blow. 

They’re two streets safely away from the pub, leaning against a wall and waiting for a taxi when Aaron dares to approach the subject. “You gonna tell me why you went all Fight Club back then or what?” 

“No,” Robert says shortly, firmly, but after a swift kick to his shin, he sighs and angles his body towards Aaron. “There was a guy in there – he said he knew you from school? And- And he was being _disgusting_ , saying all this stuff about you. About _us_. Homophobic piece of _shit_.” His loud words echo around the empty street, and Aaron tightens his fingers around Robert’s.

He can feel the press of tears against his eyes, because, _honestly_ , that’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for him.

It feels a lot like Robert taking the bullet. 

He kisses Robert fiercely, putting everything he has into the touch of lips, and Robert gasps – mostly from the pain of the cut on his mouth – but he kisses back just as hard. “I love you,” Aaron whispers when he pulls back, resting their foreheads together.

Robert Sugden is not a good person.

But sometimes, he’s the best person Aaron’s ever known.


End file.
